In the Face of Disappointment

I was talking with a friend the other day about a situation in which she and her husband feel differently. It’s a biggee — one of those issues premarital counselors would recommend you discuss and work out before you get married. Alas, they didn’t do that and now they have discovered that they do not want the same thing. It’s not a matter of right or wrong; they simply don’t share the same desire.

As we were talking, she recognized that she can feel anger toward him because he doesn’t feel the same way she does, but she also acknowledged that he has every right to feel the way he does. Then she started reflecting on all of the sacrifices he has made for her and their marriage over the past couple of years. And I’m talking some big sacrifices! They live where they do because of her dreams and desires. They are switching churches because of her comfort level. He took a job that is stressful and challenging but that pays more so that she doesn’t have to work full time.

I was very proud of her for focusing on the positives and recognizing all the ways her husband loves her and has shown that love. Even though I’m not married, my conversation with her challenged me to examine my attitude in my relationships. When I’m hurt or disappointed or just plain disagree with someone I care about, do I focus on the things that rub me the wrong way about that person or do I recall the many positive points that I appreciate about them? Do I allow Christ’s grace to fill me and overflow into the relationship? Do I recognize the many ways that God overlooks my flaws and even the areas where my desires do not yet line up with His and yet He loves me anyway?

Patty Dextrom

Introspective Perspective

When I was asked to write for this blog, I was concerned that I didn’t have anything “deep” enough to share. Five years ago, I would have been able to come up with all kinds of deep, meaningful, and spiritual nuggets. I began to ponder why I wasn’t as introspective as I used to be. God gave me the answer.

Five years ago I got married at the age of 38. Before marriage, I would spend time with Jesus at night. I’d snuggle into bed, quiet down for the day, and the Lord and I would talk. No matter what I was going through, I felt completely wrapped in His love. I was also a missionary on the home front; I was a single woman with purpose! Ministry forced me to be introspective and open to hearing from the Lord. I used to ask him constantly to keep me humble, in love with Him and His people, and open to His leading. It was all my heart wanted.

Enter husband. I had to adjust to sharing my space and time with someone 24/7. No longer could I come home from work and just flop; I had wifely duties. My focus really shifted. This week, however, I’ve been reminded of a verse: 1 Corinthians 7:34

… An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs; her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world — how she can please her husband.

So, it has begun to click for me. Those many years of being single were a blessing, a very special time. Being married is also a blessing. I believe it’s an act of worship on my part to care for, love and take care of my husband and home. What I need to learn is balance. Writing this article has caused me to be introspective, at least for today. I’m encouraged to begin to take the steps needed to get to that sweet place again. I realize it’s going to look different than it did back in the day, but that’s okay because this is my journey, and I’ve invited the Lord to be a part of it.

Sally Hall