Not too long ago I was venting to my BFF about my husband. As only a BFF who’s known you for years can do, she told me that I was the one with the problem. Now, when your BFF takes your husband’s side over yours, you know two things. First, she’s a true friend and, second, the problem is TRULY yours!
We talked more and she shared some insights that she has learned through struggles in her own new marriage. She recommended Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. While she doesn’t promote herself as a Christian author, Dr. Laura has some good things to say about relationships and, in this book specifically, she challenges wives. God used that open door to show me the error of my ways!
It’s a dangerous place to be when we let our own selfishness get in the way of caring about and for our husbands. No, I don’t mean the very basic needs they have, but caring. What kind of day did he have, what does he need right now, what can I do to make his life better, easier. What kind of stress is he feeling from his day?
As a wife, I was starting to feel like my husband “owed” me because of all the things I was doing to manage our life and home — and I don’t even have kids! I imagine how much more that temptation is when there are children involved. That’s a bad place to be. It’s a breeding ground for resentment, disappointment and loss of warm, fuzzy feelings. I had to ask my husband to forgive me and then I had to take a serious look at my heart and my attitude. I quit praying so much for him to change and started praying for God to change me — yep, me. Funny thing … I started liking my husband again.
Sally Hall
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That truly is a BFF.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing. Yes. God has a way of causing our view to change when we allow Him to fix our perspective.
Thanks for sharing this, Sally.
~Karen
I listen to/read Dr. Laura (that's how I found your blog... looking for comments about her) and as a husband, I can vouch for that book of hers.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, she doesn't present herself as a Christian author because she isn't a Christian. She identifies as a Jew, and not a Christian Jew, or whatever you want to call it. She understands that being Christian includes recognizing Jesus as God, which she doesn't do.
But she has a lot of good advice, including for Christians. I do have minor quibbles with her, but mostly she is great. I've written a lot about what I think of her advice on my blog. I also write from a man's perspective, especially a husband's.
Sally,thanks for sharing...your wisdom is great at a young age. After 42 years of marriage, I credit a lot of our happiness and our wonderful marriage to that very idea; "see if you can out-do your spouse in giving and caring!" It works!! I hope that you are blessed with many more years with your mate. Patricia Harvey
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